Behind the dark spectacles

 

If you are a 3^rd year medico in India, there is one spelling you have to keep memorizing throughout the year and that is O-P-H-T-H-A-L-M-O-L-O-G-Y. Most of you I am sure know the incorrect spelling for this all-important word, because initially we were confused too, especially when we were told that people are so obsessed with this spelling that it became a viva question. Eyes are the mirrors of the human mind, and we all know that the human mind is complex. Hence, needless to say that this complex spelling stands for a pretty complex subject full of micro-surgeries, ray optics, dark room procedures (no pun intended) and………..carrots! Trust me when you are asked in the viva about how to advice the mother of a myopic child about changes in the child’s diet, this is the solitary vegetable you will end up naming. So, juniors grab your biochemistry book and learn by heart all the Vitamin A rich foods in our diet, don’t just say “Carrots” followed by a really long and awkward pause.

Ophthalmology practical exams mainly focus on Cataract (long case) which is the most common cause of loss of vision in our country. The patients wait to be examined by the students in the wards with tags attached to their dresses revealing their identity and which eye the problem lies in. And believe what is written people. Left eye problematic means that you are supposed to look into that eye for problems. Even if an angry red right eye stares right back at you as the patient takes off his dark spectacles, even if the patient gives a history resembling retinal detachment for the right eye, simply ignoring that and focusing on the left one is the way to go. And guess what you report the findings of the right eye as? You report it as NORMAL. Also, please don’t leave any patient before completing the history and examinations, if you leave for other patient (short case) urgently to come back later you may be greeted by an empty bed the next time with the patient nowhere to be seen.

Sometimes writing your long case becomes a race against time as your patient gets prepared for cataract surgery at time same time as explaining his case history to you, only to be dragged away by the OT personnel before you complete your clinical examinations. But how do you report your clinical findings then? Well, if you know, you know.

You know your future is doomed when the in morning of your ophthalmology exam day, instead of learning the pathogenesis of diabetic retinopathy you try to remember all the eye-related Bollywood songs you have heard till date. (Check out “Aakhon hi aakhon mein ishara ho gaya” after reading this) It naturally follows that when you are asked about the clinical features of congenital and acquired retinoblastoma, you say all made up answers, much to your examiners spite. But, it is what it is.